In Love, I Reach Out to You
by blinkie
Summary: ONESHOT Gojyo Hakkai shounenai: An insult by Hakkai sends a confused and hurt Gojyo storming out of the room. Rated PG13 for mild sexual images, both hetero and homo. Please review! thank you!


**In Love, I Reach Out to You**

**by**** blinkie**

Gojyo carefully extracted himself from the sleeping woman's embrace and stood from the bed with the practiced ease of one who has done this a million times. Predictably, the woman did not even stir.

She was a pretty thing. Beautiful, in fact, Gojyo thought as he gazed at her sleeping face. Waist-length wavy black hair framed her oval face, contrasting sharply with her milk-white skin. The doe-shaped green eyes that had blazed with such fiery passion a few moments ago were now closed, framed by unusually long eyelashes. Lips so red they seemed to be bleeding were slightly parted in a satisfied sigh.

His gaze slid to her slender neck and came to rest on her full breasts. Gojyo smiled as he remembered the little shudders of pleasure that ran up his spine as he gently sucked and nipped at them, and the soft yet urgent moans of the beauty writhing under his tongue. Yet if one looked closely, one would notice that the smile that touched the seductive lips did not reach his eyes. 

She was beautiful, but her beauty was merely an aphrodisiac for his sexual appetite. It was the same way with all the girls he slept with. 

It's really all about the sex. Nothing more, and nothing less. It was only with Hakkai that sex became meaningful. The rest of his sexual exploits vary only by the degree of intensity by which they are carried out. And if such was to be the criteria for ranking each of his exploits, tonight would definitely win, hands down. Gojyo had taken out his anger at Hakkai by fucking this girl's brains out. What could have been ordinarily been lust-driven coitus was actually motivated by violence. Gojyo just needed a "punching bag", so to speak. It was to no avail, though. He was spent and exhausted, the anger still simmered in his breast. And he felt a wee bit guilty for what he had done.

Gojyo was distracted from his thoughts by the movement on the bed. The girl was turning onto her side. In a few moments she would notice his absence. Gojyo quickly pulled on his pants and shirt and, taking a final peek at the girl, quietly turned the doorknob and exited. Once outside, a sudden pang of loneliness hit him. It was a shame to leave the girl. She looked so much like Hakkai….

_Damn you, Hakkai. He lit a cigarette, and the flame momentarily revealed the abject sadness in his crimson eyes. Snapping the lighter shut, he shuffled into the darkness of the night. If he had been a bit more observant, he would have noticed the object of his thoughts hidden in the shadows just outside the room._

                                    ************************

Hakkai clearly remembered how the fight began. 

He and Gojyo were sharing a room for the night, upon the redhead's request as usual. Hakkai noticed that this was always the case whenever the inn they stopped at did not have enough single rooms to accommodate each of them. And that was fine with his other two companions. Goku is very vocal about his dislike for sharing a room with the redhead, while Sanzo hardly cared as long as Gojyo did not bring his women into the room. 

_Sanzo__ doesn't have to worry about that anymore. Gojyo hardly picks up women ever since he started sleeping with me…_

They had retired for the night. The moon bore witness to the two undulating bodies as they made passionate love. And as Hakkai came, he made the damning mistake of uttering Kanan's name. Hakkai could still remember the shock that froze Gojyo's face, and the anger that immediately followed as he stormed out of the room.

He understood Gojyo's reaction. He would also feel insulted if it happened to him. Hakkai had wanted to kill himself for his stupidity, and he still did, as he watched the redhead disappear into the night. Gojyo is a man of action, not talk. One could only understand him if one knew his mannerisms, his actions, etc. Thus, Hakkai knew Gojyo was really angry when he left the room. In all the times that they had shared a room together, Gojyo had never slammed the door so hard that it shook in its frame. 

On the other hand, Hakkai had never known Gojyo to be so sensitive. He was even surprised that the even redhead heard it, engrossed as he was in their lovemaking.

_Why was he so angry?_

Given, Hakkai had always known that Gojyo cared for him. He always checks for injuries on Hakkai after a battle. He comforts Hakkai when he wakes screaming from a nightmare. Hakkai fondly recalled that the times when Gojyo came home late, it was never because he bedded a woman but because he scoured the town for a present for Hakkai. They were nothing really extravagant, perhaps a book or a bottle of fine sake, but they were testimonials nonetheless of Gojyo's thoughtfulness for Hakkai. 

And that, combined with Gojyo's earlier reaction and the sullenness and listlessness of the redhead as he exited the woman's room, may perhaps be proof of something more.

Love, perhaps?

The possibility that he had been ignoring a bigger part of their relationship made Hakkai's knees weak.

                                    ***********************

Gojyo had walked aimlessly for the better part of the night before deciding to return to the room he shared with Hakkai. At first, his mind kept blocking out the memory of the earlier fight with Hakkai. It was too painful. But eventually, weary from denial, his emotions and reason began waging war with each other. 

_~You hurt me, Hakkai. I thought we had something going on between us._

_~You're too sensitive. No one's perfect._

_~That's beside the point. The thing is, all the while he was never over her! All the while when I thought he had feelings for me!_

_~But it's not his fault that he isn't over her. She was the center of his life. _

_~What am I to him, then? A willing body of hot flesh to fuck every night? That's exploitation!_

Gojyo suddenly found himself smiling at the indignant tone of his last thought. Really, he cracks himself up sometimes! Hakkai would be never "exploit" him, even if Gojyo throws himself at his feet and begs for it. It was then that he realized that he was no longer angry at Hakkai. The rational part of him had won. Pathetic as it may sound, he was never able to hold a grudge against Hakkai for even a quarter of a day. 

Gojyo breathed in the crisp dawn breeze, savoring the chill it brought to his skin. 

_Sure is cold tonight. The thought of sharing a warm bed with Hakkai considerably cheered him up. No sex though; a sweet cuddle would be enough._

Now he was at their door, hoping that the brunette would be up, waiting for him.  

_If he was even bothered by what happened, he thought uneasily. _

He quietly pushed the door open just enough to peek in. In the faint morning light he saw the bed was empty. His good cheer immediately vanished, and in its place a gulf of loneliness swept him away. He clenched his fists, trying to stop the trembling that had begun. 

With a heaviness of step, he entered the room. As he was closing the door, he heard a soft voice behind him speak:

"Gojyo...there's nothing more I can do about the past. I want to live in the present now. Will you help me?"

Gojyo froze. His heart had started beating faster at the broken sound of the voice. Turning slowly, he saw the drawn face of Hakkai gazing earnestly at him, green eyes shadowed in desolation. It was enough to break his heart. Tenderly, he wrapped his arms around the brunette and pulled him close to his chest. "I'm here for you," he whispered, stroking Hakkai's soft hair. "I always have been. I'm really sorry about what happened…"

"Ssshh." Hakkai put a finger to Gojyo's lips. "I said there's nothing we can do about the past. That's over already. But this present," he tentatively ran a hand through Gojyo's hair, "this is where I want to be." 

Their lips met in the sweetest kiss.

Two hearts that had trod the dark path of loneliness had found the shining light in the end.

~THE END~

**Author's note: This is my first shounen-ai fic. I'd like to thank ****Mrs. Nadir Rusalki for the unconditional support you give me; ****Bhex**** for the beautiful fic, "Room.", and ****enervate for the wonderful shounen-ai between Koumyo Sanzo and Kouryuu. You've inspired me to write this fic in your own ways!**

To all who read this, I hope you liked it! ^_^  I'd like to know what you think. Please review! 


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